Friday, August 29, 2014

To Spend More Time with Thee

To Spend More Time with Thee

When spirits stir and life expires, no breath upon the wind
The body lies in firm estate and future hopes are pinned
Memories are turned to dust as the bones begin to flake
And those of us left far behind bear grief the only stake
For breath provides emotion’s fall a rise from dawn to dusk
Planting in the sunlit hours from seed to crop to husk
So grieve we do upon the hour the click of turnstile’s key
Sensing that our turn will come to spend more time with thee


Wednesday, August 27, 2014


Weather: It's the tail end of winter here in Aus. Torrential rain mid to late last week. Today - cloudy, scattered showers, isolated thunderstorms with light winds, top of 23CSunny with a top of 26C due this Sunday. Spring is officially in the air!

Listening: Please Don't Say You Love Me (Studio Session) - Gabrielle Aplin.

My thoughts...

When saying "I love you" to another...

 Your actions and words should ALWAYS agree with each other.
 Don't say one thing then do another!

Eating: When looking for dinner inspiration I often hit up BabyMac for a dinner winner. Her Sauso Pasta went down a treat for dinner one night last week. So much so it has been requested by Brenton for dinner tomorrow night. I snagged (pun intended) some bred free range Ottway pork, basil, chili and coriander snags and some Garofalo Italian made Rigatoni pasta from the shops then made as per Beth's recipe instructions. I used baby spinach as I had no kale on hand and multi-coloured cherry and grape toms. I topped generously with shaved parmesan. The chili in the snags gave this dish a real lick ya lips delish kick. Although any quality flavorsome snags would suit. Recipe found *here*. Do check it out!

Drinking: Right now? A pot of chamomile tea.

Wearing: Paisley print maxi dress, cotton lacy knit long sleeve shrug and beaded sandals.

Feeling: Quite weary! Heartpoet's operation was first up this morning. He has internal and external stitches this time. The type of dressing the plastic surgeon has used enables a clear view of the wound. Visually first impressions are most impressive. Directly after prior day surgeries the wound was quite a sight! Prompting many to inquire in jest if Heartpoet had joined the underbelly of society. External stitches due out late next week and pathology results early September.Will you join me in sending a prayer off out into the Universe that this will be the end of this ongoing health saga for Heartpoet? Praying for an all clear result so that Radiation Therapy does not come into play.

Wanting: to exhale. Something I can't properly do until Heartpoet gets the all clear.

Needing: What I truly need at this time is not possible...

Thinking: about Heartpoet's and my next planned/booked getaway - can't wait!

Enjoying: hearing all about the cruise we sent Brenton on for his 21st Birthday. Tranquility Island & Turtle Sanctuary being just one of the highlights. Heartpoet and I paid for the cruise (twin balcony room), his travel insurance and purchased him a bottle of Gran Patron Platinum Tequila to mark this special occasion. Spoilt much?! Yep! But as Heartpoet said..."Brenton has endured so much over the years because of the deliberate actions of others. Despite this, Brenton has turned out to be a resilient, loving, kind, caring and well balanced young man who shows maturity beyond his years."

Missing: Of late - Heartpoet. Work is super busy for him at present so he has been making hay whilst the sun shines so to speak. Over time floods (plural) and more recently horrendously expensive mechanical repairs to vehicles impacted finances.

Watching: Heartpoet and I 'borrowed' Season 1 of Grimm from Brenton's personal dvd collection (he has quite the collection!!!). Really enjoying it so far. He has Season 2 also so we have something to follow on with.

Reading: My paperback copy of Denise and Bruce Morcombe's book 'Where's Daniel?'  has not long arrived in the mail. I foresee an uncomfortable/heartbreaking read ahead. It is the very least I can do given all this couple (and their family) have endured.

Saturday, August 23, 2014

It's raining...It's pouring...

"And I will wait for you tonight
You're here forever and you're by my side
I've been waiting all my life
To feel your heart as it's keeping time
We'll do whatever just to stay alive...."




Contemplating building a raft today.....

So back to the craptacular day earlier this week. It started much earlier than planned with a knock at our front door with news that shocked. Then with Heartpoet all prepped to commence round 3 of his skin cancer treatment the surgeon in the day procedures unit had a last minute change of heart re operating. The cancer has invaded deep skin tissue and location wise sits directly near a facial nerve in the jawline area. Facial paralysis on one side of Heartpoet's face is a genuine concern. The surgeon summoned the hospitals head of plastic surgery. A lengthy wait ensued. After consulting they decided that Heartpoet would be bumped to 'category 1 plastic surgery' and operated on under general anaesthetic within 30 days (standard waiting time 1 year). Meanwhile I was home alone awaiting the call to collect Heartpoet (unaware things had not proceeded as Heartpoet was all gowned up with his personal possessions mobile phone etc. having been taken off him). Our gorgeous cat Miss Charlotte (pictured to the right of my blogs side-bar) had been 'professionally' groomed the afternoon prior and something NQR had gone down. I won't elaborate as it is most distressing but our perfectly healthy 8 year old cat up and died on me whilst I was waiting for the call from my Poet. A stressful day indeed!

Within minutes of having Heartpoet home the lovely nurse who had attended to Heartpoet that day telephoned with a date for this coming week for Heartpoet's operation. Super fast! We had been expecting a months wait. The sooner the better I suppose - we just want to put this baby to sleep! This is an aggressive/disfiguring type of cancer. If the plastic surgeon is not successful in getting it all radiation therapy will follow. Like the thought of paralysis this is something my mind does not want to entertain.

Heartpoet buried Charlotte in a pretty spot under a leafy green tree out back. Home alone I had tried a dozen times or more to do the job myself. Each time I went to pick her up having flashbacks to when I lived in Melbourne and had been forced to bury my then family dog - who had been euthanized due to cataracts/old age/not being suitable to transport interstate. With a small child in my care and no car someone let me down very badly that day. Heartpoet on the other hand was a true gentleman in every sense of the word. Rigor mortis had set in. As Heartpoet lean't in to gently/carefully pick Charlotte up I heard him sigh softly then tenderly say to her "Oh sweetheart, come here". Which made me sob all the harder. Charlotte was a gift for a member of our lil family who had been having issues with a person that had let them down badly. Lot's of letting down badly! But NEVER by our Poet. We love that man! Charlotte was such a pretty cat with the gentlest, most loving nature. I am not really a cat person (never have been) but she 100% won me over.  She was a tortie persian with a patch over one eye - so had been named after a famous female pirate. She will be missed.

Busy weekend this weekend. In party mode. Brenton's 21st birthday tomorrow. Will post again soon - promise!

Thursday, August 21, 2014

Close To Shore We Wade

Yesterday was the most craptacular day! I am not in the right head space to blog about it today. Instead I will leave you with a new poem of Heartpoet's - penned  late last week.

Close To Shore We Wade

across the bay beyond the dunes past fishes silver finned
the waters roar in mist encased in salty sheets of wind
waters wet with threatened splash with nature at the call
sighing in the gusty gales a breath in every squall
yet buried there beneath the waves below the turrets roar
a single grain of life explodes upon the ocean floor
and time takes care of grander things of process in the dark
of motion on the ocean deep where quasar meets the quark
so marvel won’t you just this once and wonder at this thought
that without the early flash of life our presence would be nought
our thoughts would never meet the day all love would never be
trees would never sway in wind nor roos from danger flee

so whisper thus repeat these words
and never let them fade
they hold the magic of our life
as close to shore we wade

“across the bay beyond the dunes past fishes silver finned
the waters roar in mist encased in salty sheets of wind….”


Sunday, August 17, 2014


I live in a house on the edge of a park with the two sparks of my fire. They each keep my embers burning and I crackle invitingly at all hours of the day and night. Without them I would have floated off many suns ago to the dreamy place where nightmares roam. I love and adore them for who they are.

I have 'family' some of whom I have not seen for a long time. Moments catch me, sometimes once a day, sometimes more often, sometimes less so but always they catch me. I sense a falling through blue sky, the rushing wind racing, contorting and twisting with the passage of time. Yet I do not regret their absence. I cannot control their choices nor manage their outlooks. They are adults and sometimes life is simply life. I have learnt this through living.

In my fifty nine years on this speck of a planet in this unbelievable universe I have learnt frustratingly yet joyously that life is about many things. Holding on and letting go, dancing and sleeping, smiling and tears. We humans are a peculiar breed of organism though having said that we need be careful we don’t over estimate ourselves. We have powers of deduction and reason, and yet, clinical though they might be, they struggle with the tidal waves of emotional bliss and despair that sometimes returns us weeping to the safety of the womb.

We create music, theatre, song and dance. Art in any form, created by anything and anyone, can make us skip a beat and soar to the heavens with joy. We are also an organism struggling with a sense of organic wretchedness. For some detachment rules the soul. We are spread over many lands, connected yet disconnected, caring but indifferent. I have yet to learn how to reconcile these extremes.


Saturday, August 16, 2014

Thursday, August 14, 2014

Quick Update - Heartpoet's Health

In response to the numerous caring emails and sprinkling of comments left here on my blog requesting an update regarding round 3 of Heartpoet's skin cancer treatment....

A third operation is required. The Specialist explained the area involved is near a  facial nerve (jawline area)  and facial paralysis can result. He went on to say that he is fairly confident they can avoid that however he must mention it as it is a possibility. The operation is booked for next week. We then await the results from pathology. If they have still not managed to get it all plastic surgery and or radiation therapy will follow over coming weeks. I am so hoping that this next operation closes the book on this health issue for Heartpoet. It's a definite worry! We have a big week coming up next week - Heartpoet's operation followed by Brenton's 21st Birthday.

A big thank you for caring.  Promise to keep you posted.

Will leave you with one of my soul-mates beautiful poems...

The Beat

lighter than the lightest ray
the moonbeam sweeps to earth
nestles in the nearest heart 
and there to love gives birth
the beat pulsates a single time
to glow with inner strengths
and searches for the one to hold 
o’er calm and wondrous lengths

one day not so long ago
I felt the moonbeam land
and hover just a little while 
‘ere reaching for my hand 
and thus it came to pass in time 
such a little while ago 
that she who shines eternal light 
surrounded with her glow 

so take your notes of silent rays 
and take them to your heart 
for one day you might also find 
some peace in someone’s heart.