Tuesday, May 1, 2012

A right of passage

Brenton had a bit of a chat to Stu and myself earlier today. He started by thanking us for always providing him with everything he has ever needed in life and some. He thanked us for always being there for him and supporting him in his endeavours. He thanked us for loving him unconditionally and preparing him well for the big wide world out there. He thanked us for purchasing his car for him, helping him get his P's and supporting him in his new job that he loves. He went on to tell us that he loved us both dearly and had much to be grateful for with us as his parents. Hearing about his thanks and gratitude had me feeling pretty damn fabulous, my heart was singing. However what he said next made my heart sink to my sparkly sandals. He went on to tell us that our love, support and great parenting style over the years has prepared him well for the responsibility of renting a house with another couple (close friends) later this year or start of next. That his gf would likely join them (earliest for her the start of next year). He said that whilst he is more than happy here with us at home that the 'time was right' and he had us to thank for that - for preparing him so well! :-0

I nodded and smiled and gave him a soft squishy hug and told him that he always has a home here with us blah, blah, blah and that we would support him whatever decision he comes to re this. Brenton then left to meet his gf for lunch. As the front door closed behind Brenton Heartpoet's eyes met mine and my eyes started to leak like a garden sprinkler set on high. I have been a bucket of misery since. Don't get me wrong I am very content that Brenton is so well adjusted. Considering he is the product of a messy divorce I am ever so proud of him. I am not a pat myself on the back kind of gal but I must have done something right as he has grown into a fine young man that Heartpoet and I are so very proud of. If he was 29 (He will be 19 in August) and still at home I know I would have done something wrong lol. I get that this is healthy and a natural progression, I really do! For me it's more about empty nest syndrome. Brenton is my one and only. There are no baby birds left in my nest for me to mother to somewhat lessen the blow. A bittersweet time really if that makes sense. He will never know but today there has been lots of tears. Time will help lessen the sadness with this kind of thing. Just ironic that my being a good mum helped move the process along a tad sigh. Pondering whether hitting the pokies and taking up drinking would slow the process down?! ha! (just kidding).

It reminds me of the first day he started primary school (but so much worse). He was well adjusted, happy, so ready and all smiles. I was all smiles on the outside also but came home and sobbed a million tears. A time of change and also no other littlies at home to focus on as had been my hope and dream.

This is a natural and healthy thing but today I am so very sad and that's ok that's normal and healthy too I imagine. A right of passage for him and myself - and one that I will no doubt get used to.


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mimi said...

He's a fabulous young man and you should be so proud. Just coz he moves house, doesn't stop making it so...x

Kimmie said...

Oh I know that darl! Mine (and Heartpoet's for that matter) reasons for wanting him home are purely selfish - we will miss him is all!

Joolzmac said...

Hope he won't move too far away - 400 kms away from my girls is way too far away! My apron strings are still hurting! Hugs to you,


Kimmie said...

Locally and probably within walking distance lol. Just changes the whole dynamics though ya know?

Debbie said...

Oh Kimmie, big hugs! I too have a one and only son and when he moved onto attending university 6 hours away and in another country, my heart broke. It took me almost a year to accept and shake off the empty nest syndrome so I understand what you are feeling. You should be very proud and believe me, there will be many more exciting times and 'firsts' that he will share with you...after all you are his Mom!

Enchanted Moments said...

I am a long way off yet...but I am sighing with you.....x

Stephanie said...

Tears rolled down my cheeks as I read your post, how you must be so proud of a son who is so mature and has so much respect for you. I am feeling like you are I suppose as I more or less kicked my oldest (21 yrs old) out of our home a year and a half ago so we could sell up and move to east gippsland, four and a half hrs from where we were living in Riddells Creek, (Nick had a girlfriend and a full time job and didn't want to move with us) he did however have a place to live and he is a very mature young man, so we knew he would be ok and he was fine with it, thank goodness! Our other son who is now 18 has just got his Ps and is getting more independent. Our youngest is 7 and I thrive on her kisses and cuddles as I don't get that much from the boys, I miss it sooooooo much and feel that the older my children get the further away they get. It feels as though we only have our children on loan for approximately 18-20 years before they aren't really yours anymore, they are their own, independent and hopefully safe and happy. This doesn't mean that I stop thinking and worrying about them, far from it, I think I worry more, I just wish the best for all of them and hope that they visit and phone me often because even though I may not be perfect, I think I am a good mum who loves her children dearly and wants the best for them all.

Shug said...

Through my following, I have recognized that he is an outstanding young man...
I must say, I know about those tears coming from the empty nest...they hurt!
Blessings to you Kimmie and to heartpoet...This may be difficult for the time, but God will lift you from this valley and before long, your family will be soaring. All because of your love for each other and because of God's love for you family.. Big hugs

Barb said...

Hi Kimmie!

You and Stu are such good parents! Having your children leave the nest is scary! Don't worry about Brenton, he will be just fine. He's a responsible young man, who is feeling the need to stretch and try out his wings! You will see him often, I'm sure . . . there is nothing like a good home cooked meal from his mom!

Big (((hugs))) to you, it will all work out just fine!

Hugs and Love,